Why I’d Rather Freeze In Minnesota Than Be In Australia Right Now
It's currently very cold in Minnesota. Very, very cold. As I'm writing this, it's -29 degrees with a -57 degree wind chill.
But despite how frigid it is in my office, and despite the fact that I'm starting to lose feeling in my fingertips, I'm about to say something that's going to sound a bit crazy:
I'd rather be freezing my ass off in Minnesota than be in Australia right now!
I know, I know. That does sound like the hypothermia might be seeping into my brain. Who wouldn't want to be hanging out with a bunch of koala bears instead of braving the polar vortex? Plus, it's obviously much warmer Down Under. But I'd still rather be in Minnesota wearing three layers of pants. Why is that, you may be asking?
Because despite this Midwestern cold snap we're all dealing with, Australia is currently undergoing a record heat wave, with temperatures ranging between 96 to 116 degrees across the country. But that's not even the worst part.
In Australia, the heat is so bad that snakes are starting to seek refuge in people's toilets. Last week, a snake catcher was called in to remove a seven-foot python that slithered into someone's shower.
In another case, one woman sat down on the toilet without bothering to look into the toilet bowl. After feeling a sudden sharp pain, she stood up to find a python staring back at her. GAHHHHHHH. No, thank you. I'm good here.
Suddenly, this -57 degree wind chill doesn't seem all that bad.